Science and Faith: When Merril came out
by If that mockingjay don't sing
Summary: How did Merril end up at the doors of Dalton, soaking wet and crying? How did her parents react when they found out Merril wasn't who they thought she was. Warning: ANGST! One shot


_Tried to break love to a science_  
_In an act of pure defiance_  
_I broke her heart _  
_As I pulled apart her theory_  
_As I watched her growing weary_  
_I pulled her apart _

Merril sat on the sofa twiddling her thumbs, unable to make eye contact with her parents who sat opposite her waiting for her to speak. The ticking clock above the fireplace was the only noise in the silent room. Merril opened her mouth and closed it again, blinking back tears. Her father rolled his eyes. *Now what is it Jason?"  
Merril winced, as a shiver ran over her body, she played with her sleeve, uncomfortable in the masculine clothes she was forced to wear.

_Having heavy conversations_  
_About the furthest constellations of our souls, ooohh_  
_We're just trying to find some meaning_  
_In the things that we believe in_  
_But we got some ways to go_  
_Of all of the things that she's ever said_  
_She goes and says something that just knocks me dead_

"Mum...Dad...I...I'm a girl..." She trailed off biting her lip, her mother looked at her in disbelief. "Now don't be silly." She snapped. "You know full well you're a boy, however your hair's getting long, maybe it's time for another hair cut."  
Merril rolled her eyes. "No Mum, I...I...I'm actually a girl trapped in a boys body...I've known for ages and I've been to scared to tell you because I thought you might over react or scream at me or not understand. I hate being a boy, it doesn't feel right, every morning I wake up hating who I am, I avoid mirrors because they remind me and I...I want to be a girl..." Merril burst into tears, wiping her eyes on her sleeve.  
Merrils father jumped up. "Blasphemy! Now don't be silly Jason, go to your room and calm down, you'll go to hell thinking stupid and sinful thoughts like that." Merril looked up, eyes disbelieving as her dad continued. "You're just confused, it's your hormones son." Another flinch. "I haven't spent enough time with you have I?" He stood up. "Come on. Let's go play a game of football."

_You won't find faith or hope down a telescope_  
_You won't find heart and soul in the stars_  
_You can break everything down to the chemicals_  
_But you can't explain a love like ours_

Merril stood up. "You think...acting like a guy will make me a boy? You don't understand! It isn't hormones! It's ME this is who I am! And if you can't accept it then you can just go to hell!" Merrils mother gasped.  
"Jason! Don't use that langua-" Merril cut her off.  
"Merril...my name's Merril." She took a deep breath and pulled her baggy jumper off, showing off her girly top underneath, a push up bra and bandages making her cleavage. She unbuttoned her baggy jeans and pulled them down, revealing the tight skinny jeans she's wearing underneath. Her parents gasped as she pulled her hair out of its ponytail so it cascaded down her back.

_ooohhhh_  
_It's the way we feel, yeah this is real_  
_ooohhhh_  
_It's the way we feel, yeah this is real_

"This is who I am dad. You can't change it."

_I tried pushing evolution_  
_As the obvious conclusion of the start, yeah, hmm_  
_But it was for my own amusement_  
_Saying love was an illusion of a hopeless heart_  
_Of all of the things that she's ever said_  
_She goes and says something that knocks me dead_

Mrs Portman gasped. "What will out church think? Think of the neighbours! Harold, are you going to tolerate this?" Mr Portman walked over to Merril, voice low and uttered the words Merril was dreading.  
"No son of mine is prancing round and playing dress up like a little faggot."  
"But Dad!"  
"SILENCE!" A hand flew forward knocking Merril back. There was the sound of glass smashing.

_You won't find faith or hope down a telescope_  
_You won't find heart and soul in the stars_  
_You can break everything down to chemicals_  
_But you can't explain a love like ours_

Merril looked up jaw hanging open, feeling numb, her body went cold as she shivered on the floor. She looked down at her arms, covered in blood without a word, she stood up, grabbed the jumper and wrapping it round her arms she ran to her bedroom locking the door.

_ooohhhh_  
_It's the way we feel, yeah this is real_  
_ooohhhh_  
_It's the way we feel, yeah this is real_

Hours passed as Merril lay on her bed, staring at the wall thinking about everything and nothing, numbing her thoughts and emotions, trying to rid the pain of her dads words, her mum standing by doing nothing, how she looked at her in disgust. A tear fell out of Merrils eyes as the haunting words stuck in her mind.

_Of all of the things that she's ever said _  
_She goes and says something that just knocks me dead_

Merril lost track of time, it was dark outside when there was a light tap at the door, her dads voice echoed calmly from the hallway. "Jason?" Merril sighed and stood up unlocking the door, Harold stood there shuffling his feet. "Can I come in?" Merril shrugged and wordlessly walked across the room sitting on her bed. She looked her dad in the eye as he sat in her desk chair.  
"Jason...your mum and I have been talking and-"Merril held her breath, could they possibly have accepted her? She wondered. Harold continued.  
"If you don't stop this childish behaviour, then I'm afraid you're no longer welcome in our house."

_You won't find faith or hope down a telescope_  
_You won't find heart and soul in the stars _  
_You can break everything down to chemicals _  
_But you can't explain a love like ours_

Merril kept her face unreadable as she stood up, walking to her wardrobe, she grabbed her bags and started packing, her father sat there for a minute before leaving, closing the door behind him. Merril still didn't cry as she finished packing, retrieved the stash of money she saved up and walked downstairs, keeping her head high as she walked past her parents. She didn't say goodbye, she didn't cry as she walked out the front door into the cold night.

_ooohhhh_  
_It's the way we feel, yeah this is real_  
_ooohhhh_  
_It's the way we feel, yeah this is real_

It was only when the house was out of sight that she broke down into tears.


End file.
